Confessions of a twisted mind

I hate being nice

2005-12-04T22:47:00.000+08:00

I hate the word “nice”.

Especially when girls you are interested in say it to you. You know when they say it means you have no hope in hell to get any action. It’s a gentle letdown. It’s like when your girlfriend breaks up with you and tells you that “hey, even though we can’t be together, we can still be friends.” I say fuck off bitch.

So she tells you that you are nice. She is trying to tell you she has almost next to zero interest in you, the actions that you are taking to ask her out or woo her are amusing and maybe even sweet. But ultimately, the response from her is “that’s so nice of you, but sorry I can’t make it.” Nail in the coffin man! Straight through the heart and out from the ass!

So you guys interested in hearing another of my loser stories? Why not yeah? I feel quite loserish (is there such a word?) right now. That’s what prompting me to blog again. Express these pent up frustrations that I have.

Anyway, there is this other gal from work that interests me. Let’s call her “AG”. She is physically much more attractive as compared to the last subject of interest. We were always flirting at work and that kind of shit but nothing really happened. She’s a real teaser. We went out a couple of times, usually in groups, had KFC together once. That’s about it. It all ended when I told her she had a beautiful smile and that I looked forward to that when I see her at work. And she does. My friend made a statement that I so agreed with. He said that no how angry or frustrated you get at work, if you come home to a smile like that, your anger will just disappear. So true, so true. Oops! Guess a line like that scared her away. And she totally ignored me for the next few weeks.

Somehow or rather, we went out together with another guy from work last week. Had coffee at MacD’s then caught Harry Porker at the cinema. Went to the supermart after that because she wanted to buy some food. She was looking at all those instant microwave junk. Apparently her landlord doesn’t allow her to do any serious cooking, some anal neat freak. So she has to rely on this instant junk to survive. At that moment, my heart totally melted man. How can such a fine lady like her eat that shit,. So the next day, out of pity, and partially trying to score points, I asked whether she was interest to come over to my place, and allow me to cook her a home style meal, because I couldn’t bear to see her eat that junk. Her reply? “that’s so nice of you. (Arrrgh! That evil word has appeared.) But its ok, I’m used to it.” WTF man…

Today I tried my luck again. I asked her if she would like to go to the beach for picnic. I mean, everyone else would just go for a show or dinner right? Boring! Sigh… unfortunately I got the “so nice of you, but I have something on tomorrow.” Crash and burn man! I hate being nice, stop telling me that I am nice. Just say yes.

Nobody likes a nice guy. They prefer the bastards, bad boys, pricks, twats, everyone except the nice guy. Hey! He’s a nice guy, but I would rather go out with that bad boy over there.

I hate being the “nice guy”. What the fuck does being nice mean anyway?

Hmmm what’s wrong with me?

2005-05-08T21:44:00.000+08:00

So I went out with “bak chai” today for dinner. We ate, had a drink and an ice cream from 7-11 and took a stroll around the neighborhood. We enjoy each others company I guess. But I believe she’s treating me like a friend only, which is cool. But that’s where the problem comes in you see. At the moment I don’t really have a strong attraction to her, which is good because she is only interested in being friends. So the only thought floating in my head now is “I should not get to close (in friendship terms not physically you schmuck!) to her because I may just “relike” her again.” So ideally I shouldn’t be going out with her and SMSing her too often, but I enjoy going out and SMSing her. DUH! Right? What’s wrong with me? I ask myself this question. Sigh…

SNAG or fag? The fine line between the two

2005-04-14T22:11:00.000+08:00

What happens while being a SNAG, girls mistaken you to be too soft or faggoty. And you appear to be unattractive to them? Somehow I felt this is what happened between me and “Bak Chai”. Maybe I was too friendly, nice, caring, to be attractive as a “man”. Good friend yes, but nothing else please.

Maybe girls only say they want a nice caring guy, but when they do meet one, they say “You’re too nice, I can only like you as a friend.” Isn’t that a big slap in the face? Then you see her going out with the office bastard that has probably slept with half of the girls that are available and then some.

Maybe I should start being a bastard as well, and then maybe I can get some. You know what they say, “Nice guys finish last.” And, “Bad boys get ass.” Hmmm… Did they say that???

Looks like I got bitten again or how I was mental f**ked into believing something would happen. Part 4

2005-04-12T01:44:00.000+08:00

Solo date 3

We met up after work on a Sunday. She wanted to eat at a place close to my house, so we took a bus down. Sitting next to her, she showed non-positive body language. Arms crossed, leaning against the window, looking everywhere else, except towards me. We shared a few words, some silly comments, but that’s about it. Didn’t even get a chance to hold her hand. Got to the café, ordered our food and drinks and carried on chatting and stuff. Not much action here either. It was getting late so she suggested that she walk me to my house, and from there she could a cab back. Alright sounds good to me. As we were walking along, I thought this would be a good opportunity to attempt to hold her hand, maybe even express to her how I feel exactly. Poof! The idea went up in smoke. She walked fast, her hands were in her pockets, and out of no where, her friend called her and she chatted on the phone all the way to my house. I’m like thinking: “what the fuck man! Finally managed to be with her alone and her fucking cell phone starts to ring! Fuck me! What’s up with that?!” Ok so we reached my place, she finally puts down the phone, but she decides to have a fag outside my house. Ok fine, went in to drop my bag, take a leak and a drink of water. All this time I was psyching myself up thinking how am I going to express my feelings to her. Guess what I saw when I walked out of the door? She standing there with a fag in one hand and her talking into her cell. Damn, there goes another opportunity to talk to her. Walked with her down the street to catch a cab. Still on the damned cell phone. Cab came, still on the motherfucking phone. A wave goodbye, and off she goes… I didn’t even manage to say a single word. Sigh… A big capital “L” appeared on my forehead to taunt me. Loser! Once I got back home, I did the SNAG thing again by asking her if she got home safely. “Beep! Beep!” She SMSed me saying she was back safely. Felt so numb, “Ok, that’s good. Have a good night” I messaged back to her. So I sat there on my bed analyzing the events of the night, I realized that my chances seemed to be getting slimmer each time we went out. FUBAR. “Beep! Beep!” My cell phone went off. “I enjoyed your company but I am not ready for a serious relationship yet. Hope we can still be good friends.” Ok that’s good now I knew how she felt. So I gave her back the standard bullshit about how I liked her company blah blah… don’t worry I understand, you’re not ready blah blah… but its cool we can still be friends blah blah… Ok have a good night…

So that’s about the main story how I got mental fucked into believing that something might actually happen. To quote a famous hokkien saying “See the wind, sail the boat.” That I feel is what I should do at the moment, just go with the flow, and if shit happens, then so be it. Can’t squeeze water out of a rock can you?

Thanks for reading this bitch of a blog. If you are a close friend you probably heard it already, but read it again anyway. Thanks.

Looks like I got bitten again or how I was mental f**ked into believing something would happen. Part 3

2005-04-05T23:50:00.000+08:00

A damn awkward situation

Me, being the flirty slut that I am, got caught being extra friendly to another girl which I shall call “ass-grabber” for she has touched my ass a grand total of 3 times. So this colleague of ours went to announce to her “Do you know who Mark likes?” I didn’t want to be present to catch her reaction to what was about to be said so I turned around and high-tailed it away. That night while I was working she SMSed me saying “I heard today that you are interested in “ass-grabber”. Do you need some help?” I was totally turned off by that SMS. I was like thinking “are you dumb or what? Can’t you read the signs I am sending to you? Can’t you tell that I am interested in you?” so I SMSed the back and told her straight in the face “I enjoy flirting with her, but its you that I am interested in.” I took awhile for her to reply. She said “you must be kidding. Who would be interested in me? I am just good for having a drink with and talking crap.” What’s wrong with this woman? Why the low self-confidence? So I SMSed and said “but I like you for who you are not anything else” SNAG right? Felt really frustrated after that cause I had shown “my hand” and yet I still didn’t know how she felt. Wanted to meet her after work. Initially she said ok as she was out drinking alone. But when I was out of my work place, she said she felt like going back home instead. Smack my face into a wall man. Ok, so I told her to let me know when she gets home safely and that I will call her once I am home. Guess what, she decides to sleep and SMSes me that she’s tired and that she’s going to sleep now. Avoiding the problem I say. If you aren’t going to let me have a good night’s sleep, neither would I. So I sent her back “I meant what I said, I am interested in you not her.” Anger and frustration sets in now. Time for a cigarette break.

Looks like I got bitten again or how I was mental f**ked into believing something would happen. Part 2

2005-04-05T23:36:00.000+08:00

Meeting 2

I have to thank my friend for setting this up. She came up to my friend at work one evening and ask casually if he would like to go for supper today. So he turns to me and says “Do you have any suggestions?” by doing that he invited me along. Now you may think that she is interested in my friend, but let me say that he is married happy with a kid to boot. Seriously doubt that she is interested. We ended up a place near my house for supper. Sat there chat till about 1am. My friend tried to create an opportunity by saying that he needed to go back but I was to dumb to recognize that. Stupidly I agreed for us all to leave together. I should have asked her whether if she would like to continue drinking with me. Fool. I got home first and waited about 15 minutes before I SMSed her asking if she got backed safely. SNAG rules being applied here. She said yes she was home and it was very sweet of me to ask. Score 1!

Solo date 1

Alright now we get to our first proper one on one. Asked her out for drinks one evening. Ok sure she said. We took a walk down to the pub, and things were looking up. Got there and managed to get a nice comfy couch. And she wanted a beer! Not some sissy cocktail. My kind of girl! There were thing to talk and she laughed at my jokes. Her body language was a bit hard to decipher though. She kept on sitting with her back against the arm of the couch, easier to talk I guess but harder for me to get close. She was busy SMSing as well. Hmm signs of disinterest? Hoped not. She said she was cold, so being the cheeky bastard that I am, I asked her to sit nearer. “And how would that help?” she asked. I just gave her a silly smile but I thought “DUH! So that I am able to put my arm around you and give you some body heat!” The night ended with us sharing a taxi home. I offered to send her back first but she said no and that she would send me back instead. An uneventful night I would say. Didn’t even get a chance to hold her hand, and no goodbye kiss. Sigh…

Solo date 2

Woke up the next morning and sent her and SMS asking if she would like to meet for lunch before work. Met her at the train station and went to town for lunch. Felt like one of those awkward teenage first dates. Didn’t have a lot of things to say since we just went out the night before. Times up she went to work while I waited for my shift to start an hour later. Another uneventful date. I seem to detect a trend here.

Looks like I got bitten again or how I was mental f**ked into believing something would happen. Part 1

2005-04-05T23:31:00.000+08:00

Yup I got turned down by the “guy’s girl”. She said that she wasn’t ready for a relationship. The timing wasn’t right. I have been hurt before so I’m not ready for a serious relationship. So on and so forth.

So my question is: why lead me on by being so caring and concerned? Would you tell a normal friend “goodnight dear, hope that you dream of me.”??? Would you tell me to stop drinking by SMSing saying “carry on drinking, it’s ok. I am not going to bother about you. Good night.” Do all girls like to send mixed signals like these? Or does she talk to everyone in this manner? Maybe it is just me being foolish and hopeful to want something or thinking that something could actually happen just because she showed some signs of “interest”.

How did I get to this unfortunate state? Let me give you a breakdown of the events that led up to this.

Meeting 1

A few weeks back, I ended work early and she was on her split shift break. Since I was going to meet my friends later at a place near work, I thought that it would be a good opportunity to get to know her better and basically waste time till she arrives. So I called her up and met her at a coffee joint nearby. So we sat there and found out more about each other. Cool, she is easy to talk with and we enjoyed each others company. Off to work she went, but not before SMSing “thanks for accompanying me for so long. I enjoyed your company.” Alright, things went good. At this point I thought nothing would happen, neither did I have any “feelings” yet.

Almost first date

Just about forgot about this one. She had some free time to kill after work before she had to take the bus up north back to her home town. What you say? Yes, she from Malaysia, but she speaks the English not the Chinese. She asked the day before if I would like to catch a show after she ended work. Yes I would I told her. Alas, she cancelled on me the next morning saying it might be to rushed for her. Almost first date I say…

A Guy's Girl

2005-03-29T06:56:00.000+08:00

Have you ever met a “guy’s girl”? You know the kind that can down a beer with the best, talk as dirty as a sailor, smoke half a pack of cigarettes, yet still whisper softly into your ear and call you “baby” and send little shivers down your spine? Scary yes? These tomboys that blossom into fine young ladies…

I find that girls like these are so hard to understand. You never know what exactly they are thinking. Like for example, they send text messages to you that end with “my dear” or “darling”. Words that are usually used exclusively for partners in a relationship, they, use it on you. So what does it mean you think? Does she really like me? Or does she use the phrase on everybody else? The damned teaser!

So you ask her out and she says yes. What happens now? So you get down to the pub and get yourselves a nice plump seat on the couch. You get the beer and some snacks and start talking. You’re trying very hard to understand her body language, her little touches to your thigh, the look in her eyes, the way she smokes her cigarette. But you just can’t figure her out can you? Yet she still keeps you interested.

Do you realize what the worst part of going out with a “guy’s girl” is? Realizing that because she is so friendly and chummy with everybody else, every other guy has tried to date her as well, and she probably said yes to all of them. I am not saying that the girl is “easy”, in fact she is just opening her options and being selective in choosing which guy suits her best. Although this really reduces your chances to score with her. Tough girl to date huh?

After reading all this you wonder, why even bother going for this kind of girl in the first place? Well, because she knows how to press your emotional buttons. You some how or rather lose control of your emotions to her. She always shows a tough and independent mien in front of everyone, always appearing happy and in control. But she shows her weakness and sadness to you, making you want to comfort her and absorb her sadness so that she can smile again. In the quiet moments alone with her, she says and does things to you that seduces your heart and mind. Out with the guys, she acts like one of the boys, yet she sends you signals that say “don’t worry, even though I am flirting with them, its you them I am going home with tonight”. It’s easy to fall in love with her, you just worry that she doesn’t feel the same way as you do. That’s bad huh? Falling in love with no one to catch you at the end.

I have tried to love a girl like this and have been bitten before. Yet, I still keep coming back for more.

This is just a test.

2005-03-22T16:00:00.000+08:00

Testing